Jenny's Blog

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Today something happened that hurt and upset me!

How could they do this to me?

How could they lie so blatantly?

This person is mean and spiteful!

I am angry, and I want revenge, and I want it now!

They cannot get away with this!

How dare they do that to 'me'!

The above statements could apply to any situation that any of us have gone through in our relationships with others. We have all gone through situations that have left us feeling overwhelmed and stabbed at the core of our being.

When others mistreat us, all our unresolved issues may get triggered and come up to the surface ready for healing.

It can sometimes take us hours, days, weeks, even years to get over the hurt, pain and suffering when we are impacted by another's unkind actions.

I remember a few years ago when my whole world shattered all around me. I was left feeling betrayed, helpless not sure what the future had in store for me.

I kept playing the record of poor me; how could this happen to me and what would become of me.

One day on awakening I realised that my thoughts were the same thoughts I had yesterday, the same thoughts I had last week. In fact, it had been a year, and I was still harbouring those same old thoughts.

We would not hold on to last year's garbage, would we? Yet we hold on to old stinking thinking allowing it to take up valuable space in our mind, where our Soul's vision should be.

I had had it with those smelly old thoughts. I decided that day, that I would throw out the low-frequency thoughts that were lodged in my mind. I would replace them with new beautiful, uplifting ideas that would empower me to create a new life that was more purposeful.

I had my work cut out for me. I would wake up with these thoughts and go to bed with them. I realised that for things to change, I had to let go of these fearful, sad, unproductive thoughts.

Some years ago, I had purchased a personal development CD box set offering conscious breathing teachings; I was ready to embark on that journey.

I would wake up each day my only focus and companion was my breath, the one thing that was mine that no one could take from me. It didn't matter what anyone thought of me, said about me, or what they did to me; the breath was always there ready to empower me.

I began to feel so much better and could feel a calmness within me that nourished me throughout the day. I began to feel hopeful, and things began to change. I found that the old thoughts were taking up less space in my mind.

'When you change the way, you look at things, the things you look at change.'

When people mistreat us, we have the right to feel bad, sad, hurt and even angry for a while. However, at some point, we will be drawn to the stillness within and know that it is time to let go of past hurts and make space for our purpose.

I believe that life allows us to go through challenging situations that break us at the core, leaving us broken open, ready to fill up on our newfound strength. This strength transforms our inner world, creating more self-awareness.

My Soul's wisdom reminded me why I had made the journey to this earth plane. I had come here to learn, grow and serve.

I flooded my mind with other things that empowered me. I found that walking in nature, reading inspirational books, speaking to inspiring people motivated me to move forward and enjoy my evolving life.

I had been attached to my old life and had stopped growing. What I have found to be true is that everyone has a purpose, and our job is to discover our Soul's purpose.

When we stop moving towards our purpose, we feel unfulfilled, lost in our roles. We stop dreaming and growing when we settle for a life without meaning.

We may confuse our roles with our Soul's goals. Our roles are important and have their place, giving structure to our lives. Our Soul's purpose is about our broader perspective, the invisible journey into eternity.

Life woke me up to the unresolved issues that I had been suppressing for so long. I was now aware of my negative thoughts; the emotions I had been suppressing came to the surface with horrible detox symptoms. I had a lot of cleaning up to do, but I was ready to do the work, as I could not live like this anymore.

Life reminds us that when everything is taken away from us, we still have our breath. When you are in the thick of it, you may feel unable to collect your thoughts, but you can choose to take a conscious breath one breath at a time.

The affirmation 'All I need is within me now,' I believe, is our ability to practice conscious breathing to heal our lives.

If we can sit with ourselves and just feel the warmth and power of our breath, we can transform how we think and feel in the moment, which subsequently will heal and transform our lives.

There is the story of the gods who were trying to think of a suitable hiding place to hide the precious treasure from man. One of the god’s suggested that they should hide it at the top of the highest mountain, but another god said no, man is bound to conquer the mountain and find it there. Another god suggested hiding it at the bottom of the sea; but he too was reminded that man would swim to the bottom of the ocean and eventually find it there. More gods came forward with more suggestions of where to hide the treasure, but each time it would be pointed out that man would soon discover the treasure in each of these places.

Eventually, an esteemed wise god, hearing the other gods arguing amongst themselves, said to them, 'hide the treasure within man himself, because man would never think to look within.'

I believe that the hidden treasure in the story is alluding to the power of the breath. We can transform and empower our lives through conscious breathing. I feel that conscious breathing aligns our body, mind and Soul – it is an elixir for life. Each day make conscious breathing part of your daily life. At first, it might seem awkward, but if you stick with it and practice each morning, it will become a way of life.

You have no control over your external life, but you definitely have the power to transform and enjoy your inner life. You must learn to clean up the home of your Soul with the same enthusiasm you have when cleaning your external home.

Throw out the old musty furnishings of fear, self-pity, self-hate, doubt and despair and replace them with joy, happiness and love. Enjoy the lovely inner fragrance of peace that is with you wherever you go.

It is time to move out of the mind’s attic into the beautiful spacious core of your Soul – the untapped treasure within. Pull back the curtains of your smile so that others can see the joy, happiness and love radiating through you as you go about your day.

Today remember to take a breath and smile!

Nigel Beckles is an Author, Certified Relationship Specialist & Coach, Advocate for Victims and Survivors of Domestic Abuse, Workshop Facilitator, Podcaster and a Member of ‘Survivor Provider Services’ providing useful information to professionals. He is also a contributor to the award winning documentary ‘Looking for Love’ available on DVD and online. Nigel’s work involves guiding men and women through difficult relationship issues.

Healthy Personal Boundaries

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” - Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

One of the very effective strategies to avoid becoming involved in an abusive relationship is to set healthy personal boundaries. A personal boundary is a rule that you set that cannot be broken without consequences. Personal boundaries protect individuals from negative words and actions by other people. Your personal boundaries define how you interact with others, and how you allow others to interact with you.

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries

· Maintaining Boundaries is Selfish

· True Friendships Will Be Lost

· People Will Dislike Me

· You Will Dislike Yourself For Being Too Rigid

Refusing to set boundaries to avoid upsetting other people does not make you a good or loving person; saying ‘yes’ all the time will leave you feeling drained, unhappy and used. This means you are ignoring your own needs and self-care to make help others feel comfortable at their convenience. No one can pour water from an empty cup so your own wellbeing should always be your first priority. The most important result of setting firm boundaries is to recognize very quickly whether you are being taken for granted, disrespected or abused.

Basic Personal Rights

· The Right to refuse requests without experiencing feelings of guilt;

· The Right to be treated with respect;

· The Right to consider personal needs as important as the needs of others;

· The Right to accept of personal mistakes and failures and;

· The Right not to comply with the unreasonable expectations of other people;

· The Right to privacy;

· The RIght to change my mind;

· The Right to expect honesty from other people and;

· The Right to rest.

Maintaining Healthy Personal Boundaries requires a degree of self-awareness.

Understand Your Core Values such as:

· Integrity

· Peace

· Stabilty

· Equality

· Kindness

· Truth

· Respect

Understanding Your Feelings:

· Who or what drains you?

· Who or what energizes you?

· Who or what makes you feel safe?

· Who or what makes you feel uncomfortable?

· Who or what makes you feel resentful or angry?

Identifying personal Rights and Values while choosing to practice them without apologies will result in honouring personal boundaries much easier instead of expending energy pacifying or seeking to please others.

The Benefits of Healthy Personal Boundaries

· Self-Empowerment

· Being in control of your own life

· Attracting Healthy Relationships

· Increased physical, emotional and emotional energy

· Feelings of being appreciated and valued

· Increased feelings of self-value and self-worth

· The courage to be yourself

· Less stress

· Freedom to truly be yourself

· Connecting with and expressing your own needs and values

· Experiencing less feelings of guilt

· Understand that your thoughts, feelings, and needs are equally important to others

“If someone is inconsiderate or rude to you, risk telling them how it made you feel or that you didn’t appreciate being treated that way. If you tend to talk yourself out of anger by telling yourself that you don’t want to make waves, try telling yourself instead that it is okay to make waves sometimes and risk letting people know how you really feel.” - Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused - And Start Standing Up for Yourself

Deciding to create or improve personal boundaries can feel overwhelming at times and like any new skill, assertively communicating your new standards will take practice. Start with a small boundary, gradually increasing it to more challenging boundaries building on your successes. Setting boundaries can take courage but it is a learnable skill anyone can master if they are determined to make a positive change. Do not allow feelings of anxiety or possible low self-esteem to prevent you from keeping and working on them.

Self-worth is about valuing, respecting and being very clear regarding your own worth. Physical and emotional boundaries define your standards and where your feelings end and another’s begin; if your boundaries are weak you will be easy to manipulate and convinced that the negative behaviour of others is really your fault. Living with poor boundaries can also result in allowing yourself to be burdened with the issues of other people that in reality have absolutely nothing to do with you. Setting and maintaining healthy personal boundaries is understanding clearly what action you are prepared if your boundaries are ignored. Decide on what the consequences what will be so when a boundary is violated you can act immediately and decisively. Failing to enforce boundaries will generally result in a loss of credibility.

Learning how to be self-confident without being aggressive is a skill that anyone can learn over time. Being assertive and speaking up calmly protects a person’s mind, emotions and physical safety. Maintaining Healthy Boundaries is very important and we must know what is acceptable to place ourselves in a position to communicate and/or enforce them

How to Avoid Abusive Relationships: A Guide to Toxic Personalities

Book Extract. Due for publication 2021

© Nigel Beckles

Book available @

How to Avoid Making The BIG Relationship Mistakes! Amazon Waterstones Books


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Working with mindset for the past 18yrs and having the techniques since I was a teenager has empowered me constantly over my 42 years of being on this incredible and beautiful planet.

The one thing I want you to know is that YOU are in control of ONLY the things you can control - your thoughts and then your reactions to those thoughts.

It takes a lot to realise this and be in the POWERFUL POSITION of being able to RELEASE & LET GO of stuff and emotions about situations and people that you definitely can't change.

It's empowering and quite liberating to do that too.

Over the years I'm sure you have been through quite a lot in your life - both personally and professionally - that was heartbreaking, horrendous, awful and all of those negative words.

I too, have been through my fair share but I don't dwell on anything. I work through it all with my healing process and go through it all and dive deep into my high level quantum shifting mindset techniques.

I am going to share a few of them with you in this blog post but first.....

I want to ask you a 2-part question and this will be a working exercise for you to do continuously throughout your life after reading my blog post.

What is 1 situation / person that is testing you right now? And why?

Grab a notebook and pen and write down your answer and then I want you to ask yourself each of these questions and write down the answers too;

Is it your business? Can you control it? What is a better feeling instead?

The reason why is that it can mill inside our head all the time. You can get quite stressed, angry and upset and sometimes with writing it down on paper, in our very own handwriting and seeing it in print it actually changes the way we see it and feel about it too. Try it and let me know your thoughts.


In order to help you shift from negative > positive or even to see things much clearer and more in flow with peace I have 3 of my powerful Mindset Clearing Techniques to share with you.


The music you listen to influences you and goes into your subconscious, more than you may realise. It programs you and affects your emotions, feelings and responses to things. The words make a difference too.

Have you ever been driving a car and you have a fast paced, loud tune on? Have you noticed you drive faster? I certainly have and it affects me so I know that I have to be mindful when driving what speed I'm doing but also what music I listen to.

So, with HEALING MUSIC choose healing tunes, listen to the words, listen to Hz music and really zone into the music clearing all the negative emotions and thoughts that are within you. You can make a really true positive change with listening to music that soothes and heals you. Listening to positive tunes with wonderful positive lyrics helps your subconscious have empowering thoughts which then, in turn, makes you feel better. Concentrate on your breathing as you listen to this music too and be aligned with it.

The songs you then listen to will help you to clear the negative and make room for the positive that you want to attract.

  • EFT (TAPPING) - Emotional Freedom Technique

This is one technique I have added, back in 2017, to my clearing techniques and it's one that can be done quickly, it's effective and no-one needs to know that you're doing it. It's a very popular technique and people use it for any issues they may be experiencing from money > family > jobs > business > politics > bad news. The list can go on and on.

It is psychological acupuncture as you "tap" on certain parts of your body whilst chanting and repeating certain phrases and affirmations that you need to say in respect to whatever is going on in your life at that point. I used it backstage at my Empowerment Convention IGNITE Live Event in 2019 just to calm my nerves to go out on stage.

So, think of a situation that is grinding on you right now and I want you to affirm;

Even though {insert situation/person/belief here} I deeply love, accept and forgive myself. Everything will be okay.

The sentences can be as short or as long as you like.

Then, there are different areas on the body you can "tap" on. You can youtube or google them but I'll tell you here; karate chop, top of your head, temples, in between your eyebrows, under the eyes and top of the lip, on your chin, on the bone across the top of your neck towards your shoulder. There are others but you choose what's best for you.

You can do them all in rotation or just choose one. One that I use (which can be used under the table if you're in a meeting at work, is the karate chop.

The whole idea of EFT (Tapping) is that you are "tapping out" the belief, situation, negative person out of your head and clearing it with releasing the pressure you're putting on yourself.

It really is powerful and a wonderful example of quick, easy to do and effective in no time.


Investing in and working with a mentor, like myself, is rewarding, exciting and truly amazing as it can fast-track you immensely in all areas - especially mindset.

Sometimes we are too close to our work or situation that we can't see what's stopping us from achieving or realising something that is truly sabotaging us and our life, progress, business or a mixture of all of them. By working with a mentor you can really clear your limiting beliefs, perform and accomplish amazing things and also have a true accountability partner to keep you on track, kick those negative beliefs into touch and elevate into what it is your desire and deserve.

Mentors, like me, step in to help you figure things out and undo limiting beliefs and consequences that may have been instilled in you since you were a child. Unblocking and empowering you is the end-game and it is liberating and phenomenal for people to transform through the process of this.

I absolutely LOVE what I do and my clients are loving working with me and my energy too. I change lives and I am so proud of everything that I do, submerse in and I go all in 100% so you know that by investing in yourself with working with me you're getting the best because I always show up and deliver.

Connect with me if you'd like to work with me. Email:

I am ready for you! Are YOU ready to change your life?

I look forward to hearing from you. x

Rebecca Adams

International Life, Business & Mindset Mastery Mentor

Business Woman, Author, Speaker & much more.