How To Avoid Making The BIG RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES!

Nigel Beckles is an Author, Certified Relationship Specialist & Coach, Advocate for Victims and Survivors of Domestic Abuse, Workshop Facilitator, Podcaster and a Member of ‘Survivor Provider Services’ providing useful information to professionals. He is also a contributor to the award winning documentary ‘Looking for Love’ available on DVD and online. Nigel’s work involves guiding men and women through difficult relationship issues.

Healthy Personal Boundaries

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” - Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

One of the very effective strategies to avoid becoming involved in an abusive relationship is to set healthy personal boundaries. A personal boundary is a rule that you set that cannot be broken without consequences. Personal boundaries protect individuals from negative words and actions by other people. Your personal boundaries define how you interact with others, and how you allow others to interact with you.

5 Myths About Personal Boundaries

· Maintaining Boundaries is Selfish

· True Friendships Will Be Lost

· People Will Dislike Me

· You Will Dislike Yourself For Being Too Rigid

Refusing to set boundaries to avoid upsetting other people does not make you a good or loving person; saying ‘yes’ all the time will leave you feeling drained, unhappy and used. This means you are ignoring your own needs and self-care to make help others feel comfortable at their convenience. No one can pour water from an empty cup so your own wellbeing should always be your first priority. The most important result of setting firm boundaries is to recognize very quickly whether you are being taken for granted, disrespected or abused.

Basic Personal Rights

· The Right to refuse requests without experiencing feelings of guilt;

· The Right to be treated with respect;

· The Right to consider personal needs as important as the needs of others;

· The Right to accept of personal mistakes and failures and;

· The Right not to comply with the unreasonable expectations of other people;

· The Right to privacy;

· The RIght to change my mind;

· The Right to expect honesty from other people and;

· The Right to rest.

Maintaining Healthy Personal Boundaries requires a degree of self-awareness.

Understand Your Core Values such as:

· Integrity

· Peace

· Stabilty

· Equality

· Kindness

· Truth

· Respect

Understanding Your Feelings:

· Who or what drains you?

· Who or what energizes you?

· Who or what makes you feel safe?

· Who or what makes you feel uncomfortable?

· Who or what makes you feel resentful or angry?

Identifying personal Rights and Values while choosing to practice them without apologies will result in honouring personal boundaries much easier instead of expending energy pacifying or seeking to please others.

The Benefits of Healthy Personal Boundaries

· Self-Empowerment

· Being in control of your own life

· Attracting Healthy Relationships

· Increased physical, emotional and emotional energy

· Feelings of being appreciated and valued

· Increased feelings of self-value and self-worth

· The courage to be yourself

· Less stress

· Freedom to truly be yourself

· Connecting with and expressing your own needs and values

· Experiencing less feelings of guilt

· Understand that your thoughts, feelings, and needs are equally important to others

“If someone is inconsiderate or rude to you, risk telling them how it made you feel or that you didn’t appreciate being treated that way. If you tend to talk yourself out of anger by telling yourself that you don’t want to make waves, try telling yourself instead that it is okay to make waves sometimes and risk letting people know how you really feel.” - Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused - And Start Standing Up for Yourself

Deciding to create or improve personal boundaries can feel overwhelming at times and like any new skill, assertively communicating your new standards will take practice. Start with a small boundary, gradually increasing it to more challenging boundaries building on your successes. Setting boundaries can take courage but it is a learnable skill anyone can master if they are determined to make a positive change. Do not allow feelings of anxiety or possible low self-esteem to prevent you from keeping and working on them.

Self-worth is about valuing, respecting and being very clear regarding your own worth. Physical and emotional boundaries define your standards and where your feelings end and another’s begin; if your boundaries are weak you will be easy to manipulate and convinced that the negative behaviour of others is really your fault. Living with poor boundaries can also result in allowing yourself to be burdened with the issues of other people that in reality have absolutely nothing to do with you. Setting and maintaining healthy personal boundaries is understanding clearly what action you are prepared if your boundaries are ignored. Decide on what the consequences what will be so when a boundary is violated you can act immediately and decisively. Failing to enforce boundaries will generally result in a loss of credibility.

Learning how to be self-confident without being aggressive is a skill that anyone can learn over time. Being assertive and speaking up calmly protects a person’s mind, emotions and physical safety. Maintaining Healthy Boundaries is very important and we must know what is acceptable to place ourselves in a position to communicate and/or enforce them

How to Avoid Abusive Relationships: A Guide to Toxic Personalities

Book Extract. Due for publication 2021

© Nigel Beckles

Book available @

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3 POWERFUL Mindset Clearing Techniques

Working with mindset for the past 18yrs and having the techniques since I was a teenager has empowered me constantly over my 42 years of being on this incredible and beautiful planet.

The one thing I want you to know is that YOU are in control of ONLY the things you can control - your thoughts and then your reactions to those thoughts.

It takes a lot to realise this and be in the POWERFUL POSITION of being able to RELEASE & LET GO of stuff and emotions about situations and people that you definitely can't change.

It's empowering and quite liberating to do that too.

Over the years I'm sure you have been through quite a lot in your life - both personally and professionally - that was heartbreaking, horrendous, awful and all of those negative words.

I too, have been through my fair share but I don't dwell on anything. I work through it all with my healing process and go through it all and dive deep into my high level quantum shifting mindset techniques.

I am going to share a few of them with you in this blog post but first.....

I want to ask you a 2-part question and this will be a working exercise for you to do continuously throughout your life after reading my blog post.

What is 1 situation / person that is testing you right now? And why?

Grab a notebook and pen and write down your answer and then I want you to ask yourself each of these questions and write down the answers too;

Is it your business? Can you control it? What is a better feeling instead?

The reason why is that it can mill inside our head all the time. You can get quite stressed, angry and upset and sometimes with writing it down on paper, in our very own handwriting and seeing it in print it actually changes the way we see it and feel about it too. Try it and let me know your thoughts.

"NOTHING IS WORTH WASTING YOUR ENERGY FOR!"

In order to help you shift from negative > positive or even to see things much clearer and more in flow with peace I have 3 of my powerful Mindset Clearing Techniques to share with you.

• HEALING MUSIC

The music you listen to influences you and goes into your subconscious, more than you may realise. It programs you and affects your emotions, feelings and responses to things. The words make a difference too.

Have you ever been driving a car and you have a fast paced, loud tune on? Have you noticed you drive faster? I certainly have and it affects me so I know that I have to be mindful when driving what speed I'm doing but also what music I listen to.

So, with HEALING MUSIC choose healing tunes, listen to the words, listen to Hz music and really zone into the music clearing all the negative emotions and thoughts that are within you. You can make a really true positive change with listening to music that soothes and heals you. Listening to positive tunes with wonderful positive lyrics helps your subconscious have empowering thoughts which then, in turn, makes you feel better. Concentrate on your breathing as you listen to this music too and be aligned with it.

The songs you then listen to will help you to clear the negative and make room for the positive that you want to attract.

• EFT (TAPPING) - Emotional Freedom Technique

This is one technique I have added, back in 2017, to my clearing techniques and it's one that can be done quickly, it's effective and no-one needs to know that you're doing it. It's a very popular technique and people use it for any issues they may be experiencing from money > family > jobs > business > politics > bad news. The list can go on and on.

It is psychological acupuncture as you "tap" on certain parts of your body whilst chanting and repeating certain phrases and affirmations that you need to say in respect to whatever is going on in your life at that point. I used it backstage at my Empowerment Convention IGNITE Live Event in 2019 just to calm my nerves to go out on stage.

So, think of a situation that is grinding on you right now and I want you to affirm;

Even though {insert situation/person/belief here} I deeply love, accept and forgive myself. Everything will be okay.

The sentences can be as short or as long as you like.

Then, there are different areas on the body you can "tap" on. You can youtube or google them but I'll tell you here; karate chop, top of your head, temples, in between your eyebrows, under the eyes and top of the lip, on your chin, on the bone across the top of your neck towards your shoulder. There are others but you choose what's best for you.

You can do them all in rotation or just choose one. One that I use (which can be used under the table if you're in a meeting at work, is the karate chop.

The whole idea of EFT (Tapping) is that you are "tapping out" the belief, situation, negative person out of your head and clearing it with releasing the pressure you're putting on yourself.

It really is powerful and a wonderful example of quick, easy to do and effective in no time.

• WORKING WITH A MENTOR

Investing in and working with a mentor, like myself, is rewarding, exciting and truly amazing as it can fast-track you immensely in all areas - especially mindset.

Sometimes we are too close to our work or situation that we can't see what's stopping us from achieving or realising something that is truly sabotaging us and our life, progress, business or a mixture of all of them. By working with a mentor you can really clear your limiting beliefs, perform and accomplish amazing things and also have a true accountability partner to keep you on track, kick those negative beliefs into touch and elevate into what it is your desire and deserve.

Mentors, like me, step in to help you figure things out and undo limiting beliefs and consequences that may have been instilled in you since you were a child. Unblocking and empowering you is the end-game and it is liberating and phenomenal for people to transform through the process of this.

I absolutely LOVE what I do and my clients are loving working with me and my energy too. I change lives and I am so proud of everything that I do, submerse in and I go all in 100% so you know that by investing in yourself with working with me you're getting the best because I always show up and deliver.

Connect with me if you'd like to work with me. Email: rebeccaadamsbiz@btinternet.com

I am ready for you! Are YOU ready to change your life?

I look forward to hearing from you. x

Rebecca Adams

International Life, Business & Mindset Mastery Mentor

Business Woman, Author, Speaker & much more.

www.rebeccaadamsbiz.com

My Vision and Mission

When I became an author in 2015 it was the most exciting thing ever, to have that first physical copy of the book in your hands is the best feeling and then to see your books on the shelf of Waterstones and doing book signings was mind blowing to say the least.

Becoming a writer was never something that was on my wish list or on any kind of list, it wasn’t a dream to be an author I didn’t even like reading books growing up, my educational background was very poor I would walk in one gate at school and straight out the other, not something I’m proud of! I would drift from one job to another nothing that inspired or excited me until I found something that I was passionate about which was beauty.

I went to college as a mature student and sat my City and Guilds in Manicure and Pedicure and to my complete shock passed with a distinction I even called my tutor to see if they had made a mistake, for the first time in my life besides having my children I had achieved something, something to be proud of, I then went on to do many diplomas in other areas of beauty, I became a mobile beauty therapist setting up my own business which enabled me to work around the children and I must say I was good at it, I had built up a fabulous client base and became very successful at what I did until the day came when it all came crashing down on me.

In 2010 I was diagnosed with MS, to say I was devastated was an understatement my life completely changed just like that. My role as a wife, mother, and business owner became challenging I was forced to give up my business that I had worked so hard to build, I couldn’t drive anymore, I was the one that always did everything for everyone and now I had to rely on others which was so difficult for me I couldn’t even take my own children to school, my independence was taken away. I was constantly tired and then depression set in, I found myself in a very dark place which had an impact on my mental health I had no motivation, no drive, life was one big negative, all my positivity had gone.

So, what does all of this have to do with my vision and mission? Bear with me I’m coming to that part. After some years of feeling sorry for myself I knew if I was to get back up, I had to do something about it, trust me it wasn’t easy.

A friend of mine Felicia invited me along to her meditation group, as she would tell you herself I found every excuse not to go plus I didn’t understand what it was, I had only ever heard negative things about meditation, I was in a bad enough place as it was so I didn’t need anything else added to it but this one particular day I gave in. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at all, I had just had a massive argument with my husband and probably wasn’t the best time to go and try this meditation, so I thought!

Feeling uncomfortable and awkward I didn’t know what to do or expect I just wanted to get up and go but I just couldn’t move, what happened next was life changing for me.

After a complete melt down of tears and were talking Niagara Falls here it was like a light shone within me, this heavy weight I was carrying and black cloud that was hanging over me disappeared just like that. For the first time in years I felt free and acceptance of my illness, I started to focus and get my life back on track and even began to drive again in an adapted car.

After a few months of daily meditation, I connected with my Angels, yes, you heard right, Angels, my heavenly guides, it was through this connection with the angelic realm that my writing started and when I wrote my first book ‘A Collection of Inspirational Guided Prayers’, no one was more surprised than me, if you go back to the beginning of this blog you will see what I mean. Did I see angels? No, did I hear angels? No, not directly, but I did, and still do have this knowing of their presence.

I have since written several books and now a Multi Award Winning Author, if only my teachers could see me now! I finally found my true purpose in life.

Through divine guidance I intuitively know what to write and when to write, it comes naturally to me and from the one place, the only place, my Heart Centre. I have been given the tools to bring words of healing, inspiration, positivity, and comfort to share with you. I feel incredibly blessed and grateful.

My Vision

To create words that will inspire, uplift. and empower

My Mission

To make a difference to your mind, body, soul, and spirit through the written word

Love and blessing to each one of you.

Jenny xxx

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