When you are in your teens you feel as if you are invincible and that nothing will ever happen to you and as you get older that still stays with you to an extent, ‘It will never happen to me’ I would say, until the day it did.
October the 12th 1991 was one of the happiest days of my life, my beautiful little girl Catriona was born she weighed 6lb 3oz and had a mop of dark hair I remember thinking how precious she was, she looked like a little doll. It took us three years to conceive with a little intervention I was finally going to have a baby and become a mum.
When we arrived on to the ward after I had given birth my midwife Lynn came to see us, she looked at Catriona and checked her over. “I’m not happy with the way she looks” she said to me and went to get the pediatrician, my now ex-husband and I just looked at each other. The pediatrician checked Catriona and reassured us that everything was fine, but you could tell by Lynn’s face that she wasn’t convinced. A few days later we took our precious little girl home.
Everything was perfect we finally had our happy family. A few months later something wasn’t right with Catriona she went off her milk and was continuously crying, we checked all the usual things when a baby cries but it just continued, the doctor sent us to the hospital where we stayed for a few days whilst they did some tests, even though they couldn’t find anything wrong the crying continued. “It looks like a little virus, she’s just a small baby there is nothing to worry about” and sent us home.
A few more months had passed, and Catriona was still off her food and still crying but it came in waves. We trusted the doctors when they said nothing was wrong, but something was very wrong. What was happening to our beautiful happy smiley little girl! She is now one of God’s beautiful little angels, her little body couldn’t fight anymore. Nothing is wrong the doctors said, how wrong were they. My midwife Lynn was right she knew something was wrong with Catriona when she was born but what was it. It’s been Twenty-Eight years now since our precious little girl left us. I am so blessed to have had Catriona for Seven and half months she showed me a love that I had never experienced before. I have since had three other healthy beautiful children who are my world and I know their big sister is always watching over them. Now it’s time to share my story. Why now after all this time? As an author I know how powerful and healing the written word can be. It was whilst writing my story that I realized that I was not as healed as I thought even after all these years. Yes, it brought back memories, the feelings and emotions that were obviously buried deep inside but by the time I had finished writing the book my heart lifted and my healing was complete. You will never ever forget your precious child but with time and only in your time your heart will heal, It took me twenty eight years but that is only because I had not knowingly buried it, I had now found my way of releasing it. The intention and purpose of writing the book and sharing my story are to help and inspire others who have lost a child and to maybe share their stories, not just the parents but grandparents, aunties, and uncles too, the loss has a big effect on the whole family. Writing is a very therapeutic way of releasing our feelings and emotions, by sharing your story will not only help you with your own grieving and healing process but it will also inspire and help others on their healing journey I’m not saying you must write a book but by writing down your feelings and emotions in a journal will make a difference. Until this day I have never used those words ‘It will never happen to me’! If you would like to read my story just click on the link below. Every book sold a donation will go to Child Bereavement UK. Love and blessings